If skin aberrations weren’t enough of a surprise, some of us have found ourselves adorned with splotches and blotches that, in more positive moments, we can allow to transport us to thinking about the transformative paintings of Jackson P.

The deep purple blotches that seem to magically appear on my arms are, it turns out, purpura, which sounds far more romantic than it is.

When small blood vessels leak under our thinning skin’s surface, purpura appears as red, purple, and brown blood spots.

Purpura can be caused by drug interactions (blood pressure medication is a prime suspect), vitamin deficiencies, or congenital disorders, as well as sun exposure. The slightest touch can result in what looks like the aftermath of a street fight.

I have learned that, following said “slightest touch”—exacerbated by the tendency to lose my balance more easily—I can sometimes stave off the Darkening (which now sounds like a horror movie, and may just be one) by quickly rubbing a broad area around where I just bumped. That allows the blood to disperse before pooling and saves me a blotch or two.

But that’s not the end of our new abstract expressionist phase! Age, or liver, spots are smaller, flat brown spots caused by too much sun. They vary in size and usually appear on areas that have been exposed to the sun, such as the face, hands, shoulders, and arms.

The blotches can be lightened or removed, but they can then come back like a bad high-school friend.

Perhaps we should just get tattoos to make them into small animals.

Speaking of tattoos . . . (Don’t miss the next “fact snack!”